Notable Actors/Actresses
Zhu Li Lan: Zhu Qian Shuang
Wang Yi Miao: Zhu Qian Shuang
Li Ming Jun: Qiao Ye
Chinese Title
我的初恋是暗恋
[Ep2] Fast forward to the present, everyone is at Shen Wen Jing's wedding. (Yan Da Yu is a guest hmmm). Zhu Qian Shuang is the bridesmaid. No one recognizes her because she's skinny now (and well her entire face and body composition has changed), except Qiao Ye. He recognized her immediately. He remembers her as the little girl who saved him from a bully.
[Ep3] Zhu Qian Shuang performs terribly on a test. She shyly asks Qiao Ye for his notes. Of course he'd lend it to her.
[Ep5] Zhu Qian Shuang feels really bad Xia Zhe took her pencil case and was caught cheating for an exam because of the pencil case. Qiao Ye confronts him for brooding over something that had already passed. He's upset Xia Zhe is making Zhu Qian Shuang upset. When Xia Zhe goes to comfort his cousin and pats her head, Qiao Ye isn't happy either. Qiao Ye, make up your mind xD.
[Ep6] Zhu Qian Shuang joins the dance club at Shen Wen Jing’s request to keep an event going. Zhu Qian Shuang used to dance. Qiao Ye sees her in her dance outfit. She’s a little embarrassed and stops him from talking but he says it anyways, “You look good.”
Zhu Qian Shuang freaks out over her nearing dance performance. Her inner self drags her to the spotlight. She tells him that if she dodges in the dark, she’ll always see others' reaction. If she stands in the spotlight, it’ll be too bright for her to notice.
Zhu Qian Shuang dances with confidence. Mo Xiao Ran is jealous. She never got over the trauma of losing to her four years ago in a dance competition. She’s about to slap Zhu Qian Shuang but Qiao Ye stops her. He stands at Zhu Qian Shuang’s side.
Yan Da Yu takes Qiao Ye, Zhu Qian Shuang and Shen Wen Jing into the school late at night to watch a movie. Zhu Qian Shuang is scared of the dark and can’t move. Qiao Ye wraps his scarf around her and lets her hold onto his sleeve. Aw. Yan Da Yu asks Shen Wen Jing if she’s scared. Nope. She isn’t.
Extra Scene. Zhu Qian Shuang cries alone after watching a movie. Even popcorn isn’t sweet anymore. In her thoughts: "Qiao Ye, I’m thinking of you again. What should I do?”
After the exams, Qiao Ye finally talks to Zhu Qian Shuang.
[First Impression (Ep1-6)] This is more like a midway review because the entire drama is only 12 episodes. I really like the mood of this drama; it feels nostalgic.
[Actors/Actresses] Zhu Li Lan has this very natural beauty and way of acting that I easily like all her characters. Wang Miao is 25! She looks and acts so convincing as a high school student that I thought she was for sure in her teens. Li Ming Jun is a surprise too. I’m used to him in silly roles and here he’s suddenly calm and sweet like he’s always been acting these roles. Good cast!
[Behind the Scenes]
[Ending] This is short but not sweet. The ending is bitter and it hurts. It was a little too close to home for me. I cried at the end but it wasn’t sobbing, it was hot tears slowly welling up in my eyes despite the drama already ending a minute ago. It’s about a secret love not realized; it’s also about missed chances, bottled up emotions that were never expressed and now it’s too late. I'm the type to find hints for a happy ending when it's not a happy ending and I think I'm pretty decent at it but this one left no hope. That made my heart even heavier.
Qiao Ye and Zhu Qian Shuang continue to love each other and both have remained single. In the last episode they have a dinner date. The skies were even helping them with the first snow in a city that rarely snows. Yet, they still missed their chance. Their barriers are themselves after their dinner date but the barriers were themselves and those, sadly, are one of the hardest barriers to overcome. Externally, they look successful but internally, both of them are still insecure. Zhu Qian Shuang in Ep11 turned back to her old high school self when she thought Qiao Ye was going to propose. She feared him because he reminds her of the past she wanted to grow out of. Qiao Ye to this day never ever admitted to her saving him from bullies let alone admitting he loves her. There's a reason why these two remained to having each other as their "secret loves", they're not the type to confess, to move out of their safe haven. That's why Zhu Qian Shuang and Qiao Ye missed each other when every factor brought them together. Is it that hard to say I love you? I guess it is.
[Review] For such a short drama, this left a deep impression. What a daring move to make Wang Yi Miao the main lead. She has the most screen time among everyone. She's not the standard beauty but it had no effect on how much I enjoyed watching the sweet love bloom between Qiao Ye and Zhu Qian Shuang. For Qiao Ye, his love did not begin when she saved him from a bully(!), he admired her, but that wasn't love, not yet. His love grew naturally as he spent more time with her.
Chinese Title
我的初恋是暗恋
Network: iQIYI
Recap Grade: A
First Impression: 4/5
Jump to Review
[Ep1] It's 2008. Zhu Qian Shuang's parents show their love with food and thus our leading lady isn't what you would call skinny. When she gets on an elevator and it won't move because it's over the capacity everyone snickers at her for being fat. She awkwardly stands there. Someone else gets off for her. She only sees his handsome profile. He's Qiao Ye. Fat or not, whoever's last should have the consciousness to get off.
First Impression: 4/5
Jump to Review
Mini Recaps
Zhu Qian Shuang meets this boy at school. He's the school's most popular boy (for his looks and his grades). He drops his earphones. Zhu Qian Shuang picks it up for him and when she gets up, her head hits his chin. Immediately, he gets a nose bleed. She wants to apologize to him but she's too shy. Her friend, Shen Wen Jing, does her a favour to apologize on behalf of her but she bumps into Yan Da Yu (Qiao Ye's buddy) instead (our second-couple-to-be).
Zhu Qian Shuang realizes she's in love with Qiao Ye. However, she's too ashamed of her body weight to confess to him so she decides to lose weight first.
[Ep2] Fast forward to the present, everyone is at Shen Wen Jing's wedding. (Yan Da Yu is a guest hmmm). Zhu Qian Shuang is the bridesmaid. No one recognizes her because she's skinny now (and well her entire face and body composition has changed), except Qiao Ye. He recognized her immediately. He remembers her as the little girl who saved him from a bully.
Zhu Qian Shuang is struggling to keep her diet. She wakes up from hunger. Her inner (ideal) self stops her from eating. Zhu Qian Shuang cries that she's had enough. She hates her own body but she has to pretend to not care. When people make fun of her she can't show that she’s taken it seriously. Aw. Her skinny self comforts herself to eat just a bit.
Qiao Ye is a little upset at Zhu Qian Shuang for not telling him the truth about her uniform size. Since he's the class president, he had to get everyone's size. Currently, she doesn't have a uniform that fits. She explains to Qiao Ye that she didn't tell him because none of the girls before were XL. She was also on a diet so she thought she could fit a smaller size. Plus what girl would tell a boy her weight if she's ashamed of it herself? Qiao Ye tells her to wait for him outside the school gates. After a while, he shouts from the staircase above and throws her his uniform.
Shen Wen Jing accidentally dirties Zhu Qian Shuang's uniform (which is Qiao Ye's). Thereafter she dodges from him. The next day Shen Wen Jing finds her another one and so Zhu Qian Shuang returns the uniform to Qiao Ye but he says it's full of sweat stench. Turns out that uniform was stolen from Yan Da Yu. That's why Qiao Ye recognized the smell, lol.
Back in the present. Zhu Qian Shuang suffers a series of awful blind dates. Meanwhile Qiao Ye (currently a lawyer) receives a video clip of Mo Xiao Ran asking him questions back in high school. He won't answer when she asks him if he likes Zhu Qian Shuang. She then asks him to clarify about all those times he helped her (with the uniform and finding her in the locked room which hasn't happened yet in the drama).
[Ep3] Zhu Qian Shuang performs terribly on a test. She shyly asks Qiao Ye for his notes. Of course he'd lend it to her.
Mo Xiao Ran is envious of Zhu Qian Shuang's relationship with Qiao Ye and decides to invite her to her birthday party just to ridicule her. They egg her on to participate in a hamburger eating contest but she's on a diet. Zhu Qian Shuang practically pukes and runs to the washroom. Qiao Ye criticizes Mo Xiao Ran. After Zhu Qian Shuang comes back out, everyone is gone. Nope, not everyone. Qiao Ye waited for her but he lies that he was just waiting for his buddy. He sees her crying and he tells her kindly that if she is going to have diet, don't eat ice. It's not healthy. Zhu Qian Shuang feels a tiny bit of warmth from his kindness.
Mo Xiao Ran continues to bully Zhu Qian Shuang and locks her in the change room. Qiao Ye was studying upstairs and passes by. She shouts for his help. Without any hesitation, he kicks the door down.
Mo Xiao Ran records Qiao Ye as she asks him if he likes Zhu Qian Shuang. He says he's not one bit interested in her. Then he's asked if she's fat. His answer: "If she's not fat then who else is considered fat?" Dude.
Back in the present. Zhu Qiang Shuang is still on her awful blinddates. How can these men be so hilariously awful?
[Ep4] Zhu Qian Shuang accidentally deflated Qiao Ye's bike tires thinking it was Yan Da Yu. As an apology she gives him a ride home. Qiao Ye apologizes to Zhu Qian Shuang for the words he said. She's already forgiven him. She even offers to give him a ride tomorrow morning. However, the next morning, he doesn't show up. As a result, she's late. Shortly after, Qiao Ye shows up late too. He explains he was looking for his grandfather's medication. Zhu Qian Shuang’s anger melts away.
Qiao Ye's "mother" is present for the parent-teacher interview. Qiao Ye is furious. She's not his birth mother. She's his stepmother who was once his father's secretary. That night, his father treats him for dinner. Qiao Ye asks his father if he remembers carrying him to the hospital. Of course his father does. Qiao Ye reminds his father that he's allergic to peanuts. He leaves the table that's full of foods with peanut.
New student: Xia Zhe. He's Zhu Qian Shuang's cousin. Qiao Ye almost misunderstands him as his love rival. When Xia Zhe reaches his hand out for a handshake, Qiao Ye keeps his hands stuffed in his pocket.
Mo Xiao Ran tries to sabotage Zhu Qian Shaung for spreading rumours of Qiao Ye's family. He doesn't bother listening to her, though. He sees through her motives. Plus he trusts Zhu Qian Shaung. She'd never say anything hurtful because she knows what criticisms feel like. She'll absorb all the negativity but she'll never emit them. She brightly asks him if she's like the sun. He doesn't know how to answer. He probably wanted to say yes.
Back to the present. Xia Zhe is a doctor. Zhu Qian Shuang asks him if he ever hated her for the test.
Extra Scenes. Zhu Qian Shuang has another blind date. Lol. Poor her.
[Ep5] Zhu Qian Shuang feels really bad Xia Zhe took her pencil case and was caught cheating for an exam because of the pencil case. Qiao Ye confronts him for brooding over something that had already passed. He's upset Xia Zhe is making Zhu Qian Shuang upset. When Xia Zhe goes to comfort his cousin and pats her head, Qiao Ye isn't happy either. Qiao Ye, make up your mind xD.
Zhu Qian Shuang drags Shen Wen Jing to the school at night to delete her cousin's name on the note that said he cheated. They're almost caught but they managed to run away. Shen Wen Jing calls her stupid for mustering a plan like that. She's also angry at her best friend. She's been telling her all her woes but she ignores them like they're nothing. Shen Wen Jing runs away. Her inner Zhu Qian Shuang tells her to run after Shen Wen Jing but the real Zhu Qian Shuang just sits there.
Zhu Qian Shuang sneakily takes Mo Xiao Ran's phone to prove that it was her who spread the rumours about Qiao Ye. The girls fight over it and Mo Xiao Ran complains to Qiao Ye that Zhu Qian Shuang hit her. Qiao Ye doesn't bother believing her. However, he does lecture Zhu Qian Shuang about the phone. She angrily tells him she did it for him. He smiles.
Yan Da Yu protects Shen Wen Jing from thugs. He walks her home from the internet cafe and she tells him about her fight with Zhu Qian Shuang. Also, Shen Wen Jing's online friend is actually (non-surprisingly) Yan Da Yu.
The girls easily make up with a smile. However, they're caught for trespassing the school that night. Qiao Ye manages to help them lighten their punishment.
Qiao Ye's dad wants Qiao Ye to go study abroad.
Extra Scenes. Zhu Qian Shuang has more blind dates! Her luck with men sure sucks, haha.
[Ep6] Zhu Qian Shuang joins the dance club at Shen Wen Jing’s request to keep an event going. Zhu Qian Shuang used to dance. Qiao Ye sees her in her dance outfit. She’s a little embarrassed and stops him from talking but he says it anyways, “You look good.”
Zhu Qian Shuang freaks out over her nearing dance performance. Her inner self drags her to the spotlight. She tells him that if she dodges in the dark, she’ll always see others' reaction. If she stands in the spotlight, it’ll be too bright for her to notice.
Zhu Qian Shuang dances with confidence. Mo Xiao Ran is jealous. She never got over the trauma of losing to her four years ago in a dance competition. She’s about to slap Zhu Qian Shuang but Qiao Ye stops her. He stands at Zhu Qian Shuang’s side.
Yan Da Yu takes Qiao Ye, Zhu Qian Shuang and Shen Wen Jing into the school late at night to watch a movie. Zhu Qian Shuang is scared of the dark and can’t move. Qiao Ye wraps his scarf around her and lets her hold onto his sleeve. Aw. Yan Da Yu asks Shen Wen Jing if she’s scared. Nope. She isn’t.
Extra Scene. Zhu Qian Shuang cries alone after watching a movie. Even popcorn isn’t sweet anymore. In her thoughts: "Qiao Ye, I’m thinking of you again. What should I do?”
[Ep7] Zhu Qian Shuang is caught by Mo Xiao Ran's gangster "brother" who teaches her a lesson. She headbutts him but then the guy takes out a knife. Qiao Ye appears and is her hero. The thug takes a brick and whams his head. They’re scared now, though, because the injury seems too serious. Zhu Qian Shuang takes him to the hospital. Qiao Ye is okay after a few stitches. She walks him home but the sight of his stepmother and the thought of his father infuriates him. He doesn't want to stay home. Zhu Qian Shuang takes him home for dinner.
Zhu Qian Shuang asks Qiao Ye how she knew where she was when she was with the thugs. He saw her bike and the store-owner told him she was dragged away by scary looking men.
They’re currently taking shelter from the rain. Zhu Qian Shuang has the urge to hold his hand but he interrupts her with a question: does she like the rain. She does. He prefers the snow because it's his memory of his mother and father. Zhu Qian Shuang brightly tells him they can go to the restaurant during the first snow of the year too. As the rain pours heavier, he shields her from the rain.
Yan Da Yu finds out Shen Wen Jing is his online friend/crush. He tries to look for her but she avoids him like a plague.
Xia Zhe likes Liu Mei Xin. He borrows a book from Qiao Ye to lend to her because she likes it. However, it seems like she likes Qiao Ye. Zhu Qian Shuang senses a love rival. Despite that, she’s in the midst of raising money so that she can treat Qiao Ye to that expensive restaurant.
Zhu Qian Shuang finds a card that has this written on it: "Do you know why the crow is like a desk?" No one can answer her except Xia Zhe. The answer is: "Because I like you." Zhu Qian Shuang doesn't get it. How does this and that relate? It doesn't. Just like love, there's no reason. Thus, Zhu Qian Shuang misunderstands that Qiao Ye might like someone. Meanwhile Xia Zhe realizes Liu Mei Xin also has someone she likes because that line is specific to the book he gave her.
Extra Scene. Zhu Qian Shuang is on a blind date (ofc). The guy asks her if she smelled something when she entered. The answer: "It was the scent of my heart burning while waiting for you.” Omg. He asks her again what she smells now. The answer: The sweet scent of you. This guy needs to stop, but he doesn't!! He continues to flirt by asking her do you know what I want to eat now or drink now blah blah blah. Zhu Qian Shuang's ears hurt so she leaves but he has one last question: "Do you know why the crow is like a desk." She smiles. She knows: "Because I like you." Aw.
I've been noticing that deskmate of Zhu Qian Shuang has a lot of screen time for no apparent reason. What's his role? Does he have a crush on Zhu Qian Shuang? But it doesn't look like it...
[Ep8] This is the episode we learn about Qiao Ye's love for Zhu Qian Shuang.
Zhu Qian Shuang works part time to raise money to treat Qiao Ye at the restaurant but she sees him with Liu Mei Xin on what looks like a date. The restaurant is also closed for a month. Everything bad is happening at the same time but then the snow falls for the first time of the year. She quickly calls Qiao Ye. Her phone can’t connect, though. She didn’t pay her bills. Oof.
Present Time. Qiao Ye takes a taxi to a hotel. The taxi driver strikes a conversation with Qiao Ye and he tells the man about his first love. Qiao Ye recalls how he didn't tell Zhu Qian Shuang she saved him from a bully before. He doesn't want her to remember the weak him. When he called her fat he knew of his inner weakness. He couldn't accept her in front of everyone. In contrast, he realizes how brave she is to stand against her own criticisms. Thereafter, the kindness he gave her carried a bit of guilt. Although he couldn't be the hero in her heart, he didn't want to be the villain. That feeling changed when she yelled at him about Mo Xiao Ran's cellphone issue. He realizes he doesn't have to be her hero or a villain, he could be a friend just like how she treats him. Then with each event, feelings naturally ensued. However, the ending wasn’t what he had hoped for.
Back to the Past. Everyone misunderstood about the crow and the desk thing! Liu Mei Xin secretly admires the English teacher. The card was for him!
Qiao Ye finds out Zhu Qian Shuang has been earning money to go to this restaurant. Shen Wen Jing only tells him that she's bringing the person she likes. Qiao Ye doesn't know who she likes, though. However, he hopefully waits for her call over the holiday (she didn't pay her bills, though!). She doesn't call. That day he hung out with Liu Mei Xin was her thanking him for returning her the card.
Qiao Ye returns to school and tries to be friendly with Zhu Qian Shuang again but she's still grumpy. Her answers are curt. He asks her what she did when it snowed. She replies she slept. That's it. He's disappointed but he realizes he really is in love with her. The person he wished had called him that snowy day was her.
Zhu Qian Shuang continues to avoid Qiao Ye. She even twists her foot just to avoid him. However, when it's the new school year, she becomes his deskmate. She can't escape. The teacher arranged the seats to match the top-graders with the low ones.
Present Time. Qiao Ye gets off the taxi after randomly telling him his love story. Fatefully, Zhu Qian Shuang gets on the taxi afterwards. She finds his lighter which looks like an antique. The driver asks her if it's okay he drives back to give it to him. Zhu Qian Shuang doesn't mind. Do they meet?! No. She ducks in the car right when he turned around. Another missed chance.
Extra Scene. Zhu Qian Shuang is lost while starring at a snow globe. The guy tells her to buy one of her own for Christmas. Zhu Qian Shuang smiles bitterly and tells him she doesn't celebrate Christmas. Aww. It's because of Qiao Ye.
[Ep9] Yan Da Yu gives his drumstick to Shen Wen Qing. She doesn't want to owe him anything and gives him change for it. Without a word, he leaves her after he finishes his lunch. It’s Yan Da Yu who’s upset he’s ignoring her now.
There's a criminal on the loose. Xia Ke asks Liu Mei Xin how she's going to get home. She says she’ll be okay, her mother is dropping her off. Zhu Qian Shuang walks Shen Wen Jing home. Shen Wen Jing asks her how she's going to get home. Zhu Qian Shuang is confident the stalker won't be after her. She''ll be fine but as she's walking home, she feels a presence lurking behind her. It's Qiao Ye. He's worried for her safety. He also asks about her cold attitude. He tells her he saw the first snow but he didn't watch it with the person he wanted to. Her! Zhu Qian Shuang brings up Liu Mei Xin. This allows Qiao Ye to explain everything to her. She's elated again and thanks Qiao Ye for walking her home.
Qiao Ye takes responsibility for Zhu Qian Shuang's studies. She picks up her spirit to improve her rank all for Qiao Ye. She used to be last in the grade and now she's two spots from the last. It's an improvement alright, lol. As a prize, she gets to have a beach trip with her friends. Yan Dan Yu and Shen Wen Jing are late, very late. Zhu Qian Shuang and Qiao Ye buy a drink together and spend some valuable alone time. She's all dressed up but he notices she's stumbling on her heels. He smirks and buys her a pair of sneakers. He crouches down to help her change into them. He also romantically blows something off her eyelashes. Zhu Qian Shuang accidentally dirties the sneaker. He uses his vanilla ice-cream to hide the dirty part. She pouts that this is his first present. Shoes aren't good presents, though ~
Present Time. Qiao Ye takes a run by the same beach (in a sweater? I can't tell if it's cold or hot. It should be cold...) and buys pop at a stand.
Zhu Qian Shuang visits high school and meets Mo Xiao Ran. She's married and is a teacher at this school. Mo Xiao Ran apologizes for her past attitude towards her and compliments how strong she is. Zhu Qian Shuang has forgiven her completely. She's moved on. Mo Xiao Ran also thanks her for helping her in the past.
Extra Scene. Zhu Qian Shuang is walking alone on the streets. A creeper almost attacks her but she attacks him back. After he leaves, her knees cave. She is scared but she can face her fears. It's all because Qiao Ye gave her courage from the dark.
[Ep10] Mo Xiao Ran breaks her 3D glasses. Now she can't watch the eclipse. Her friends also ditch her. Zhu Qian Shuang gives hers to Mo Xiao Ran. Although Zhu Qian Shuang can't watch the eclipse, Qiao Ye describes everything to her. Only Earth can see the eclipse perfectly because of the planet's size and distance. It's the perfect ratio, the perfect distance to see the perfect eclipse. Zhu Qian Shuang understands that at the perfect distance we can see the perfect scene. From buying the shoes to the perfect distance, I'm getting an ominous vibe.
Zhu Qian Shuang's voice-over: That day the sun was covered bringing darkness to the world but I didn't sense any fear because I found a ray of light at my side. I think that in everyone's memory there is this ray of light too. No matter how far or close that light is, it is there.
Yan Da Yu has detention and can't watch the eclipse. Shen Wen Jing lies to the teacher that she was sent to the office for detention too so that Yan Da Yu isn't alone. Aw. Meanwhile Xie Zhan spends it with Liu Wen Xin who prefers to hear the eclipse rather than see. Mo Xiao Ran gets to watch the solar eclipse. In the dark, a boy accidentally eats her popsicle. I think he'll be her future husband. I can't remember who he is.
Yan Da Yu has to make a public apology on the school podium to all the students. Instead of apologizing, though, he announces to everyone Shen Wen Jing plays games at an internet cafe over studying. He also confesses his love to her. Sweet? Lol.
Qiao Ye wants to go to Qing Bei University. It's a prestigious one and Zhu Qian Shuang knows she can't make it there but she tells him she'll try her best to get into the same city as him.
Shen Wen Jing is penalized for skipping classes at the internet cafe. When she returns to school she tells Zhu Qian Shuang her resolution: she's going to study and stop talking to Yan Da Yu; she will also try to get into the same university as him. Awwww, so because high school dating is banned, she can only wait after graduation.
Qiao Ye's grandfather passes away. Zhu Qian Shuang waits in the pouring rain for him but she still doesn't get to see him. Xia Zhe finds her sitting outside in the rain waiting for Qiao Ye and hugs her. He tells her to focus on the exams. There's a month left until the finals.
Zhu Qian Shuang finally sees Qiao Ye. Her eyes are all swollen from crying. He knew she waited for him in the rain.
Zhu Qian Shuang's mother senses there's something between her daughter and Qiao Ye. She invites him for lunch. She tells him to restrict his interaction with her daughter as politely and directly as she can.
Extra Scene. Zhu Qian Shuang's coworker is eating fried chicken with coke. Zhu Qian Shuang holds back her appetite with all her might as she chows down on her salad.
[Ep11] Qiao Ye avoids Zhu Qian Shuang for the whole month. The class takes a last picture to commemorate the year. In the picture, Zhu Qian Shuang has her head turned towards Qiao Ye. After the group photo is done, she asks Yan Da Yu for a picture. Her real purpose is to ask Qiao Ye but she uses Yan Da Yu first and then asks Qiao Ye. He's aloof and has his hand in his pocket. Yan Da Yu pushes them for the picture. After that picture is done, he quickly leaves. Then Zhu Qian Shuang is pulled to take pictures with her old deskmate (who currently sits behind her). Does he like her??
The pictures are ready but Zhu Qian Shuang can't find the picture of hers and Qiao Ye's, the one she cared about the most. He must have taken that picture. Qiao Ye also rejects her present (a jar of origami cranes). His coldness makes her angry. She dumps the present in the garbage. Then she runs to the rooftop to shout: "Why is loving someone so hard?!"
Liu Wen Xin is there too. She tells Zhu Qian Shuang a story. There was once a girl who refused to marry according to her family's wishes. She ran away and met a boy. She falls in love with him. When she confesses, he asks her why she loves him. Her answer is "because a crow is like a desk." They're later separated and the boy waited for the girl for thirteen years. When they finally meet again, the girl's reply is "it was a all a dream." Oh no, what is this foreboding! Liu Wen Xin tells her everyone's youth has their highs and lows and what matters is how you view it yourself. Zhu Qian Shuang doesn't get it. Liu Wen Xin shouts to the roof, "Study well! Look forward to your new world!"
After the exams, Qiao Ye finally talks to Zhu Qian Shuang.
Present Time. Yan Da Yu awkwardly arrives late to Shen Wen Jing's wedding (not looking the happiest). Xia Zhi asks Liu Wen Xin how she's been. She answers "fine" twice but she doesn't look fine! Why is everyone not having a happy ending! Outside the wedding hall, Qiao Ye and Zhu Qian Shuang meet but she's called back to the hall because she's the bridesmaid.
Shen Wen Jing is walking down the aisle. Who the heck is that dude she's marrying! Why is it not Yan Da Yu! And is it just me or does Shen Wen Jing also not look too happy?? Qiao Ye gives his buddy a toast to comfort him. Shen Wen Jing pulls Zhu Qian Shuang to the centre with her to announce to everyone she's single. Her wedding business is her most important task now. Qiao Ye swirls his head around to hear the news.
After the wedding, Zhu Qian Shuang sends off the guest. They're both wearing green coats! They walk together a bit farther to find a easier place to call a cab. He's been in Japan and recently returned. He'll be going back to Shanghai for work. She works in Shanghai too. The cab arrives and he opens the door for her. She wanted to leave together but he lives in the opposite direction. Her disappointment is lifted when he asks if he could add her on WeChat before she leaves.
Back to the Past. After the exams, Qiao Ye finally talks to Zhu Qian Shuang. They stargaze together. He tells her about the distance between the stars and how physics can clearly calculate something so far but not the distance between humans. This is all alluding to him studying abroad which he still hasn't told her.
Extra. Mom calls Zhu Qian Shuang to complain that she's rejecting every guy. Zhu Qian Shuang later sings alone at karaoke, it's a heartbreak song about not forgetting the person she loves.
[Ep12] Zhu Qian Shuang tells Qiao Ye she's grateful she can be his friend. She admits to admiring him because he's so radiant. She doesn't know he admires her too. They both had something to say to each other (he wanted to tell her he's leaving, she wanted to tell him she likes him) but they're both interrupted by Shen Wen Jing who brings them back to the karaoke room with the rest of the classmates. Qiao Ye missed his chance to say goodbye to her. Yan Da Yu runs out to stop his buddy from leaving. What if he regrets? Qiao Ye tells him there's a lot of things to regret about, adding one more won't make a difference. Yes it will!!!!
Zhu Qian Shuang makes it to university. She calls Shen Wen Jing first who also made it in. Then she calls Qiao Ye, but he's not picking up. Yan Da Yu doesn't make it, though. He's staying back a year. Aw, is that why they missed their chance? Zhu Qian Shuang asks the teacher if he's heard from Qiao Ye. He tells her Qiao Ye didn't do well. His parents don't want him staying back a year so they're sending him to Japan. Zhu Qian Shuang rushes to the airport. When traffic gets bad, she runs the rest of the way. She doesn't make it in time. She cries as the airplane flies above her head.
Zhu Qian Shuang's voiceover: When Qiao Ye said that there's no perfect answer for the distance between humans, I want to tell him, he's wrong. From the moment he decided to fly away, the distance between us cannot be calculated anymore. There is no distance; their connections have snapped, they've become unrelated.
Zhu Qian Shuang comforts herself that not everyone can spend their lives together forever. With each separation, we'll grow better so that we can meet again as our better selves. The inner self of Zhu Qian Shaung tells her she has to leave too. The inner Zhu Qian Shuang only appeared when she realized she liked Qiao Ye. Her disappearance means...): Inner Zhu Qian Shuang tells her that she must be the best version of herself.
Present Time. Zhu Qian Shuang is at her blinddates like usual. She's asked what her career is (it's in foreign enterprise). Meanwhile, Qiao Ye is handling a divorce case. He texts her for dinner. In the middle of her blind date, Zhu Qian Shuang leaves her date (technically he left her first to chat with friends). Zhu Qian Shuang lies in her reply that she didn't see Qiao Ye's text (she saw it immediately). She counts down to the seconds he takes to reply her. Good thing he replied quick. Zhu Qian Shuang rushes to find an outfit to have dinner with him.
Zhu Qian Shuang arrives at dinner. He already ordered and tells her to lift the lid. Underneath it is a ring! A ring! He kneels down and proposes to her. Her friends all pop out of nowhere to chant "Marry him!" However, Zhu Qian Shuang's insecurities are still there. She turns back into her old self and runs away. And then she wakes up from her dream. The dinner hasn't happened yet. Awwwweee. Zhu Qian Shuang might be beautiful now but her insecurities are still there.
It's the real dinner. There's no dish waiting for her but a dish does arrive looking exactly like her dream. There's real food in there this time. He's on the phone and tells this person on the line that he misses him/her too. What. The dinner is soon over as they both congratulate each other on their successes (him living "happily" in Japan and her "successfully" dieting). She thinks her successful diet arrived too late. He doesn't think so. A call comes in for her and she lies that it's her boyfriend (it's her gay boy friend). Qiao Ye graciously invites her and her boyfriend over to Japan which he's supposed to return to in a few days. These two!! They clearly love each other. She gets on the taxi to leave, sparing him a last glance. When she's gone, he receives the same call again. It's a little boy asking him to bring him a present when he comes back to Japan. Zhu Qian Shuang, you misunderstood! Come back!
The snow falls. It's the first snow of the year in a city that rarely snows. Zhu Qian Shuang looks up at the sky and remembers Qiao Ye telling her when the snow falls, it will bring luck. Thus, every time it snows, it's meaningful to her but ever since she arrived to Shanghai, it barely snowed. It's been even longer since she's seen him.
Zhu Qian Shuang: This night might have been a miracle but we still missed each other. Sometimes, I wonder if life had another possibility then will mine and his story be different? There’s no ifs in life...
Back to the Past? It's the first snow of the year. Zhu Qian Shuang didn't have money to pay for her phone bill and she can’ reach him. Also, she's still mad about his date with Liu Wen Xin. However, none of that matters. Qiao Ye is outside waiting for her in the snow. She stepped outside of the shadow to meet him in the sun. If only that had actually happened...
The end...
Remarks
[First Impression (Ep1-6)] This is more like a midway review because the entire drama is only 12 episodes. I really like the mood of this drama; it feels nostalgic.
I always feel bad for the actresses who have to act out the “fat” counterpart of the skinny and beautiful main leads. However, I think My First Love is Secret Love handles it well. Wang Yi Miao is the main lead and not just a cameo thrown to the side after the FL turns “beautiful”. She currently has more screen time than Zhu Li Lan. Zhu Li Lan sometimes appears as her inner voice but mostly in the present time where it’s sprinkled in bits throughout the drama. We mostly follow Wang Yi Miao as Zhu Qian Shuang to figure out what happened between her and Qiao Ye. It’s nice watching him like her even back then and motivate her to be more confident. This drama is a romance but also a girl’s journey to loving herself.
[Actors/Actresses] Zhu Li Lan has this very natural beauty and way of acting that I easily like all her characters. Wang Miao is 25! She looks and acts so convincing as a high school student that I thought she was for sure in her teens. Li Ming Jun is a surprise too. I’m used to him in silly roles and here he’s suddenly calm and sweet like he’s always been acting these roles. Good cast!
[Behind the Scenes]
[Ending] This is short but not sweet. The ending is bitter and it hurts. It was a little too close to home for me. I cried at the end but it wasn’t sobbing, it was hot tears slowly welling up in my eyes despite the drama already ending a minute ago. It’s about a secret love not realized; it’s also about missed chances, bottled up emotions that were never expressed and now it’s too late. I'm the type to find hints for a happy ending when it's not a happy ending and I think I'm pretty decent at it but this one left no hope. That made my heart even heavier.
Qiao Ye and Zhu Qian Shuang continue to love each other and both have remained single. In the last episode they have a dinner date. The skies were even helping them with the first snow in a city that rarely snows. Yet, they still missed their chance. Their barriers are themselves after their dinner date but the barriers were themselves and those, sadly, are one of the hardest barriers to overcome. Externally, they look successful but internally, both of them are still insecure. Zhu Qian Shuang in Ep11 turned back to her old high school self when she thought Qiao Ye was going to propose. She feared him because he reminds her of the past she wanted to grow out of. Qiao Ye to this day never ever admitted to her saving him from bullies let alone admitting he loves her. There's a reason why these two remained to having each other as their "secret loves", they're not the type to confess, to move out of their safe haven. That's why Zhu Qian Shuang and Qiao Ye missed each other when every factor brought them together. Is it that hard to say I love you? I guess it is.
Qiao Ye had told Zhu Qian Shuang that he wanted to have dinner with the people he loves on the day it first snows. The time, and place, and setting was all perfect! It all happened but why!
Perhaps ten years later when they're still single then they'll feel like they have nothing to lose then they'll confess? But that's ten years wasted. Guys, confess now! Please, save yourself from this drama as your ending.
As for the side love lines, none of them are fruitful either. Sigh. I would think they'd make Yan Da Yu and Shen Wen Jing happy together but she marries someone else which means that confessing out loud for the whole school to hear didn't work either. If keeping love a secret and professing it to everyone doesn't work, what do you want, Drama!
Do I regret watching this? It's hard to say yes. Yes, because it's sadly realistic, and no, because it's beautifully told. I don't think it's fair to rate a drama low because it doesn't have a happy ending. I'd get it if no one wants to watch this knowing it's a sad ending but I quite liked it even though it hurts. Thank god, this was short.
Message: Please don't have secret loves. You'll regret it. If you love, then you shall love proudly!
Final Review
[Review] For such a short drama, this left a deep impression. What a daring move to make Wang Yi Miao the main lead. She has the most screen time among everyone. She's not the standard beauty but it had no effect on how much I enjoyed watching the sweet love bloom between Qiao Ye and Zhu Qian Shuang. For Qiao Ye, his love did not begin when she saved him from a bully(!), he admired her, but that wasn't love, not yet. His love grew naturally as he spent more time with her.
Zhu Qian Shuang and Qiao Ye saw the best of each other but saw the worse of themselves. They both either got prettier and or smarter but that didn't make them any stronger. Although Zhu Qian Shuang transformed into a beauty, the insecurities of her body image forever lives within her. Changing her external appearance, doesn't change her internally. As for Qiao Ye, it might not be obvious, but he's always been timid. It's mostly when he's with Zhu Qian Shuang that he looks dependable. His character started out as a weakling. He was bullied. As he grew up, he became smarter and his bullies naturally disappeared. That doesn't mean he grew stronger, he just wasn't bullied anymore. [Spoilers] Then in high school, when one of his classmates asked him publicly if he liked Zhu Qian Shuang, he denied it because he didn't want to be looked down on. He is still who he is when he was younger. When he had to go to Japan, he didn't even have the courage to give her a proper goodbye. [/Sp] Perhaps it's because they never changed internally or changed enough internally is why the drama ended the way it did.
I appreciate the drama’s approach to these social topics (body weight, self-confidence, self-image). They were exquisitely entwined in the drama. The drama didn’t try to solve anything, it merely showed us the reality it.
Zhu Li Lan is the other female actress playing the skinny counterpart of Zhu Qian Shuang. The drama inserted her as Zhu Qian Shuang's inner voice during high school and that allowed a smooth integration of her as the future Zhu Qian Shuang. I highly appreciated that because I saw the two actresses as one. Zhu Li Lan gets her quality screen time in many of the extra scenes with her horrible blind dates. Hor-ri-ble (and hilarious). Why do some men think it's okay to act like that?
Overall, it is sweet, it is bitter, it is nostalgic, it is deep, and it will hurt.
Random Recommendation: Unrequited Love (2019)
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